I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
