im six kinds of drunk right now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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