Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
