He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
