I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
