I'm really into asian looking animals
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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