Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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