the condom got lost in my hair
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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