I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is classic penis vs brain.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
