census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
