there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
