you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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