know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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