It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
as a side note pls kill me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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