you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize