yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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