you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
