Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
