i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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