Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
