I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
