I think im going to throw up on grandma
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
