WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
