It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?