And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is