you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
zippers are such a cool invention
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
