Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
