Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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