I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
