guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
