Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
