Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
