ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
