Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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