Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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