I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
