She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
