well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
