Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
