Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
