im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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