I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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