Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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