I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
