I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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