friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
