I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
