Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
