Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
