It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
