We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
