He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
