btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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