It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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