drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
