I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
