Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
