Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
