Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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