doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize