piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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