i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
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My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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