when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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