Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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