you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
