the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
