Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
