i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
