I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
